so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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