Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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