a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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