? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
