We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
