is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
