I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
