How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
3pm strippers are depressing
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
