chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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