also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
