Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
