I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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