new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
