Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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