I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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