we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
