Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
