At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We're too hungover to prance.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
