No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dear god my vagina.
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