Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So much Jack, so little girl.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
