When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
