I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
