i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
