I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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