my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
