dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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