Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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