Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize