sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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