I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
