who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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