I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
