How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the condom got lost in my hair
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Who died my cat blue again?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
