I am spending my child support on dildos
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
