Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
