Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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