Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize