If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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