he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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