i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
COCAINE IS GR8
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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