cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize