If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize