Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I want a musical about memes.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
