Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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