i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
