Your dad touched me again.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize