I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
