I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
