STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
