Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
