Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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