Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
