We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
