we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
