Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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