The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
