Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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