i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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