Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She's just so happy...and so naked.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
