So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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