Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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