Welp...herpes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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