I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My first STD was from a foam party
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
