i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize