I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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