he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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