I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
